Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
