It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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