I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
