never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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