ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
