Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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