if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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