Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
