It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
