dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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