I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
