I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
