Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
what day is it and did you see me today?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
