This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
