I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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