this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
