Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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