If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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