Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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