One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
