i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is wine microwaveable?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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