oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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