im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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