She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
