He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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