We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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