my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
