Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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