She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The best revenge is premature balding
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
