I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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