is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
