Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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