pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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