i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to make out with him forever
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
