he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
