Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
