i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
