Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm bleeding and have questions
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
