Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want to make out with him forever
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
