I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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