I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
