They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize