Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
