btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
