You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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