if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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