She announced her abortion via fbk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
