my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
