im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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