well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
