Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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