mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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