i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
