Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
