I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
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Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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