ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
