I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
