my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
