I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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