whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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