I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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