Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
