Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
