I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
