Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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