Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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