Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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