Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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