Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
