I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i think i have two assholes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
