I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
