He uses pillows to masturbate.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
