So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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