i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
