Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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