I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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