my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
