I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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