i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
