I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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