just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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