if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
that is very illegal...i love you.
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