The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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