is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize