wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I want is dick and wine.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
